Updated: Oct 9, 2020
When I'm under the influence of reality altering substances, I'm a hazard to those I'm sharing a road with. Even when I'm not under any reality altering substances, I'm still at risk for getting into a car accident. Do I ever intend to do so? No! Yet, it can still happen even though I'm well-intentioned.
When it comes to life, especially our relationships, it's not enough to be well-intentioned, though that's a good start. It's about sobering self-awareness. It's so easy to spot the debilitating effects of drunk driving when it comes to alcohol or other chemical substances, yet even if we I don't have this particular issue of substance abuse, it doesn't mean I'm sober and aware, in other areas of life.
Take for example, relationships. If I'm well-intentioned yet have developed decades old (and therefore effective) defensive emotional mechanisms at play which enable me to cruise through life with blocked out awareness of my inner life, how will this manifest in my day to day living? Through pain. Through broken and strained relationships. But, if I'm defended against pain, I'm also defended against what wakes me up, and offers wisdom and empowerment which helps prevent a lot of preventable "car accidents" aka. life crisis, that often present in repetitive patterns. Until I answer life's wake up calls that present in pain, I'll keep the door open to more of the same pain, and more of the same results that often present in relationship distress.
I'm sure I don't need to convince you of that which has enabled you to keep hitting the "Snooze" button to these lessons, but for the sake of preparedness I'll state the obvious: There will be temporary discomfort and pain. Often what's missing to help me navigate through this pain, without numbing out to it and actually leaning into it, is a trusted companion who can hold a safe space for me to get my internal bearings. Gong at this alone, may be your preference and is certainly a free and available option, yet you may eventually find yourself feeling stuck. I've learned the hard lesson, that I can only take myself so far, even when the wisdom I seek is within. There comes a time when leaning into my pain with profoundly vulnerable self-awareness, overwhelms me to the point it's hard to do this in self-compassion, so I go into an internal fight/flight/freeze response, only to have another disaster present. Unfortunately, car insurance doesn't cover the damage of a personal life crisis. And I tell myself, that as an adult, like it or not, I am in the driver's seat of my life. I cannot control how other drivers navigate the road we share, but I can choose how I do. It's a learned and practiced skill set that I've found, often is expedited with the support of another fellow traveler.
This is how I see my role as a coach. It's not my role to "fix" anyone, or give solutions as I see it, to whatever presenting dilemmas you have. I've got my own dilemmas that are constantly presenting as opportunities to learn, heal, and grow. As well as my own support system that helps me flesh out, my innate wisdom. To take that away from you would be a disservice to your transformational wake-up call, and be quite unsatisfying for me. What I find most (perhaps selfishly even) satisfying is to be a part of and witness another's own transformation. To support the natural integration of another which embodies a deeper level of self-love, self-trust, and self-awareness is deeply satisfying. This is not about perfection, it is about cultivating a deep level of self-trust which guides you courageously back to yourself, and can use mistakes as fuel for more growth, one step at a time.
So, how self-aware are you when it comes to relating with others, including yourself? How much awareness do you have into your emotional self, and the beliefs that both propel and/or stem from these? There's always room to grow. We are never past the finish line when it comes to our personal development. And, we all have blindspots. Nobody is immune, there are no "arrived" gurus on earth, only human beings who learn and grow, as they go.
Contact me for coaching opportunities if this is what calls to you from deep. I'd be honored with the possibility to work alongside of you.